CHAPTER 1
Boyhood -- A Seeker
1624-1648.
That all may know the dealings of the Lord with me,
and the various exercises, trials, and troubles through which He
led me, in order to prepare and fit me for the work unto which He
had appointed me, and may thereby be drawn to admire and glorify
His infinite wisdom and goodness, I think fit (before I proceed to
set forth my public travels in the service of Truth) briefly to
mention how it was with me in my youth, and how the work of the
Lord was begun, and gradually carried on in me, even from my
childhood.
I was born in the month called July, 1624, at
Drayton-in-the-Clay, in
Leicestershire. My father's name was Christopher Fox; he was by
profession a weaver, an honest man; and there was a Seed of God in
him. The neighbours called him Righteous Christer. My mother was an
upright woman; her maiden name was Mary Lago, of the family of the
Lagos, and of the stock of the martyrs.
In my very young years I had a gravity and
stayedness of mind and spirit not usual in children; insomuch that
when I saw old men behave lightly and wantonly towards each other,
I had a dislike thereof raised in my heart, and said within myself,
"If ever I come to be a man, surely I shall not do so, nor be so
wanton."
When I came to eleven years of age I knew pureness
and righteousness; for while a child I was taught how to walk to be
kept pure. The Lord taught me to be faithful in all things, and to
act faithfully two ways, viz., inwardly, to God, and outwardly, to
man; and to keep to Yea and Nay in all things. For the Lord showed
me that, though the people of the world have mouths full of deceit,
and changeable affords, yet I was to keep to Yea and Nay in all
things; and that my words should lie few and savoury, seasoned with
grace; and that I might not eat and drink to make myself wanton,
but for health, using the creatures in their service, as servants in
their places, to the glory of Him that created them.
As I grew up, my relations thought to have made me
a priest, but others
persuaded to the contrary. Whereupon I was put to a man who was a
shoemaker by trade, and
dealt in wool. He also used grazing, and sold cattle; and a great
deal went through my hands. While I was with him he was blessed,
but after I left him he broke and came to nothing.
I never wronged man or woman in all that time; for
the Lord's power was with me and over me, to preserve me. While I
was in that service I used in my dealings the word Verily, and it
was a common saying among those that knew me, "If George says
verily, there is no altering him." When boys and rude persons would
laugh at me, I let them alone and went my way; but people had
generally a love to me for my innocency and honesty.
When I came towards nineteen years of age, being
upon business at a fair, one of my cousins, whose name was
Bradford, having another professor with him, came and asked me to
drink part of a jug of beer with them. I, being thirsty, went in
with them, for I loved any who had a sense of good, or that sought
after the Lord.
When we had drunk a glass apiece, they began to
drink healths, and called for more drink, agreeing together that he
that would not drink should pay all. I was grieved that any who
made profession of religion should offer to do so. They grieved me
very much, having never had such a thing put to me before by any
sort of people. Wherefore I rose up, and, putting my hand in my
pocket, took out a groat, and laid it upon the table before them,
saying, "If it be so, I will leave you."
So I went away; and when I had done my business
returned home; but did not go to bed that night, nor could I sleep,
but sometimes walked up and down, and sometimes prayed and cried to
the Lord, who said unto me: "Thou seest how young people go
together into vanity, and old people into the earth; thou must
forsake all, young and old, keep out of all, and be as a stranger
unto all."
Then, at the command of God, the ninth of the
Seventh month, 1643, I left my relations, and broke off all
familiarity or fellowship with young or old. I passed to
Lutterworth, where I stayed some time. From thence I went to
Northampton, where also I made some stay; then passed to
Newport-Pagnel, whence, after I had stayed awhile, I went to
Barnet, in the Fourth month, called June, in the year 1644.
As I thus traveled through the country, professors
took notice of me, and sought to be acquainted with me; but I was
afraid of them, for I was sensible they did not possess what they
professed.
During the time I was at Barnet a strong temptation
to despair came upon me. I then saw how Christ was tempted, and
mighty troubles I was in. Sometimes I kept myself retired to my
chamber, and often walked solitary in the Chase to wait upon the
fjord. I wondered why these things should come to me. I looked upon
myself, and said, "Was I ever so before?" Then I thought, because I
had forsaken my relations I had done amiss against them.
So I was brought to call to mind all my time that I
had spent, and to consider whether I had wronged any; but
temptations grew more and more, and I was tempted almost to
despair; and when Satan could not effect his design upon me that
way, he laid snares and baits to draw me to commit some sin,
whereof he might take advantage to bring me to despair.
I was about twenty years of age when these
exercises came upon me; and some years I continued in that
condition, in great trouble; and fain I would have put it from me.
I went to many a priest to look for comfort, but found no comfort
from them.
From Barnet I went to London, where I took a
lodging, and was under great misery and trouble there; for I looked
upon the great professors of the city of London, and saw all was
dark and under the chain of darkness. I had an uncle there, one
Pickering, a Baptist; the Baptists were tender then; yet I could not impart my
mind to him, nor join with them; for I saw all, young and old,
where they were. Some tender people would have had me stay, but I
was fearful, and returned homeward into Leicestershire, having a
regard upon my mind to my parents and relations, lest I should
grieve them, for I understood they were troubled at my absence.
Being returned into Leicestershire, my relations
would have had me married; but I told them I was but a lad, and
must get wisdom. Others would have had me join the auxiliary band
among the soldiery, but I refused, and was grieved that
they offered such things to me, being a tender youth. Then I went
to Coventry, where I took a chamber for awhile at a professor's
house, till people began to be acquainted with me, for there were
many tender people in that town. After some time I went into my own
country again, and continued about a year, in great sorrow and
trouble, and walked many nights by myself.
Then the priest of Drayton, the town of my birth,
whose name was Nathaniel Stephens, came often to me, and I went
often to him; and another priest sometimes came with him; and they
would give place to me, to hear me; and I would ask them questions,
and reason with them. This priest, Stephens, asked me why Christ
cried out upon the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken
me?" and why He said, "If it be possible, let this cup pass from
me; yet not my will, but thine, be done"? I told him that at that
time the sins of all mankind were upon Him, and their iniquities
and transgressions, with which He was wounded; which He was to
bear, and to be an offering for, as He was man; but died not, as He
was God; so, in that He died for all men, tasting death for every
man, He was an offering for the sins of the whole world.
This I spoke, being at that time in a measure
sensible of Christ's sufferings. The priest said it was a very
good, full answer, and such a one as he had not heard. At that time
he would applaud and speak highly of me to others; and what I said
in discourse to him on week-days, he would preach of on First
days, which gave me
a dislike to him. This priest afterwards became my great
persecutor.
After this I went to another ancient priest at Mancetter,
in Warwickshire, and reasoned with him about the ground of despair
and temptations. But he was ignorant of my condition; he bade me
take tobacco and sing psalms. Tobacco was a thing I did not love,
and psalms I was not in a state to sing; I could not sing. He bade
me come again, and he would tell me many things; but when I came he
was angry and pettish, for my former words had displeased him. He
told my troubles, sorrows, and griefs to his servants, so that it
got out among the milk-lasses. It grieved me that I should have
opened my mind to such a one. I saw they were all miserable
comforters, and this increased my troubles upon me. I heard of a
priest living about Tamworth, who was accounted an experienced man.
I went seven miles to him, but found him like an empty, hollow
cask.
I heard also of one called Dr. Cradock, of
Coventry, and went to him. I asked him the ground of temptations
and despair, and how troubles came to be wrought in man? He asked
me, "Who were Christ's father and mother?" I told him, Mary was His
mother, and that He was supposed to be the Son of Joseph, but He
was the Son of God.
Now, as we were walking together in his garden, the
alley being narrow, I chanced, in turning, to set my foot on the
side of a bed, at which the man was in a rage, as if his house had
been on fire. Thus all our discourse was lost, and I went away in
sorrow, worse than I was when I came. I thought them miserable
comforters, and saw they were all as nothing to me, for they could
not reach my condition.
After this I went to another, one Macham, a priest in
high account. He would needs give me some physic, and I was to have
been let blood; but they could not get one drop of blood from me,
either in arms or head (though they endeavoured to do so), my body
being, as it were, dried up with sorrows, grief and troubles, which
were so great upon me that I could have wished I had never been
born, or that I had been born blind, that I might never have seen
wickedness or vanity; and deaf, that I might never have heard vain
and wicked words, or the Lord's name blasphemed.
When the time called Christmas came, while others
were feasting and sporting themselves I looked out poor widows from
house to house, and gave them some money. When I was invited to
marriages (as I sometimes was), I went to none at all; but the next
day, or soon after, I would go and visit them, and if they were
poor I gave them some money; for I had wherewith both to keep
myself from being chargeable to others and to administer something
to the necessities of those who were in need.
About the beginning of the year 1646, as I was
going to Coventry, and approaching towards the gate, a
consideration arose in me, how it was said that "All Christians are
believers, both Protestants and Papists"; and the Lord opened to me that if
all were believers, then they were all born of God, and passed from
death to life; and that none were true believers but such; and,
though others said they were believers, yet they were not. At
another time, as I was walking in a field on a First-day morning,
the Lord opened unto me that being bred at Oxford or Cambridge was
not enough to fit and qualify men to be ministers of Christ; and I
wondered at it, because it was the common belief of people. But I
saw it clearly as the Lord opened it unto me, and was satisfied,
and admired the goodness of the Lord, who had opened this thing
unto me that morning. This struck at priest Stephens's ministry,
namely, that "to be bred at Oxford or Cambridge was not enough to
make a man fit to be a minister of Christ." So that which opened in
me I saw struck at the priest's ministry.
But my relations were much troubled that I would
not go with them to hear the priest; for I would go into the
orchard or the fields, with my Bible, by myself. I asked them, "Did
not the Apostle say to believers that they needed no man to teach
them, but as the anointing teacheth them?" Though they knew this
was Scripture, and that it was true, yet they were grieved because
I could not be subject in this matter, to go to hear the priest
with them. I saw that to be a true believer was another thing than
they looked upon it to be; and I saw that being bred at Oxford or
Cambridge did not qualify or fit a man to be a minister of Christ;
what then should I follow such for? So neither them, nor any of the
dissenting people, could I join with; but was as a stranger to all,
relying wholly upon the Lord Jesus Christ.
At another time it was opened in me that God, who
made the world, did not dwell in temples made with hands. This at
first seemed a strange word, because both priests and people used
to call their temples, or churches, dreadful places, holy ground,
and the temples of God. But the Lord showed me clearly that He did
not dwell in these temples which men had commanded and set up, but
in people's hearts; for both Stephen and the apostle Paul bore
testimony that He did not dwell in temples made with hands, not
even in that which He had once commanded to be built, since He put
an end to it; but that His people were His temple, and He dwelt in
them.
This opened in me as I walked in the fields to my
relations' house. When I came there they told me that Nathaniel
Stephens, the priest, had been there, and told them he was afraid
of me, for going after new lights. I smiled in myself, knowing what
the Lord had opened in me concerning him and his brethren; but I
told not my relations, who, though they saw beyond the priests, yet
went to hear them, and were grieved because I would not go also.
But I brought them Scriptures, and told them there was an
anointing within man to teach him, and that the Lord would teach
His people Himself.
I had also great openings concerning the things
written in the Revelations; and when I spoke of them the priests
and professors would say that was a sealed book, and would have
kept me out of it. But I told them Christ could open the seals, and
that they were the nearest things to us; for the epistles were
written to the saints that lived in former ages, but the
Revelations were written of things to come.
After this I met with a sort of people that held
women have no souls, (adding in a light manner), No more than a
goose. But I
reproved them, and told them, that was not right; for Mary said,
"My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God
my Saviour."
Removing to another place, I came among a people
that relied much on dreams. I told them, except they could
distinguish between dream and dream, they would confound all
together; for there were three sorts of dreams; multitude of
business sometimes caused dreams, and there were whisperings of
Satan in man in the night season; and there were speakings of God
to man in dreams. But these people came out of these things, and at
last became Friends.
Now, though I had great openings, yet great trouble
and temptation came many times upon me; so that when it was day I
wished for night, and when it was night I wished for day; and by
reason of the openings I had in my troubles, I could say as David
said, "Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night showeth
knowledge." When I had openings they answered one another and
answered the Scriptures; for I had great openings of the
Scriptures: and when I was in troubles, one trouble also answered
to another.
About the beginning of the year 1647 I was moved of
the Lord to go into Derbyshire, where I met with some friendly
people, and had many discourses with them. Then, passing into the
Peak country, I met with
more friendly people, and with some in empty high notions. Travelling
through some parts of Leicestershire, and into Nottinghamshire, I
met with a tender people and a very tender woman, whose name was
Elizabeth Hooton. With these I
had some meetings and discourses; but my troubles continued, and I
was often under great temptations.
I fasted much, walked abroad in solitary places
many days, and often took my Bible, and sat in hollow trees and
lonesome places till night came on; and frequently in the night
walked mournfully about by myself; for I was a man of sorrows in
the time of the first workings of the Lord in me.
During all this time I was never joined in
profession of Religion with any, but gave up myself to the Lord,
having forsaken all evil company, taken leave of father and mother,
and all other relations, and travelled up and down as a stranger in
the earth, which way the Lord inclined my heart; taking a chamber
to myself in the town where I came, and tarrying, sometimes more,
sometimes less, in a place. For I durst not stay long in a place,
being afraid both of professor and profane, lest, being a tender
young man, I should be hurt by conversing much with either. For
this reason I kept much as a stranger, seeking heavenly wisdom and
getting knowledge from the Lord, and was brought off from outward
things to rely on the Lord alone.
Though my exercises and troubles were very great,
yet were they not so continual but that I had some intermissions,
and I was sometimes brought into such an heavenly joy that I
thought I had been in Abraham's bosom.
As I cannot declare the misery I was in, it was so
great and heavy upon me, so neither can I set forth the mercies of
God unto me in all my misery. O the everlasting love of God to my
soul, when I was in great distress! When my troubles and torments
were great, then was His love exceeding great. Thou, Lord, makest a
fruitful field a barren wilderness, and a barren wilderness a
fruitful field! Thou bringest down and settest up! Thou killest and
makest alive! all honour and glory be to thee, O Lord of Glory! The
knowledge of Thee in the Spirit is life; but that knowledge which
is fleshly works death.
While there is this knowledge in the flesh, deceit
and self will conform to anything, and will say Yes, Yes, to that
it doth not know. The knowledge which the world hath of what the
prophets and apostles spake, is a fleshly knowledge; and the
apostates from the life in which the prophets and apostles were
have got their words, the Holy Scriptures, in a form, but not in
the life nor spirit that gave them forth. So they all lie in
confusion; and are making provision for the flesh, to fulfil the
lusts thereof, but not to fulfil the law and command of Christ in
His power and Spirit. For that they say they cannot do; but to
fulfil the lusts of the flesh, that they can do with delight.
Now, after I had received that opening from the
Lord, that to be bred at Oxford or Cambridge was not sufficient to
fit a man to be a minister of Christ, I regarded the priests less,
and looked more after the Dissenting people. Among them I saw there was some
tenderness; and many of them came afterwards to be convinced, for
they had some openings.
But as I had forsaken the priests, so I left the
separate preachers also, and those esteemed the most experienced
people; for I saw there was none among them all that could speak to
my condition. When all my hopes in them and in all men were gone,
so that I had nothing outwardly to help me, nor could I tell what
to do, then, oh, then, I heard a voice which said, "There is one,
even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition"; and when I
heard it, my heart did leap for joy.
'Then the Lord let me see why there was none upon
the earth that could speak to my condition, namely, that I might
give Him all the glory. For all are concluded under sin, and shut
up in unbelief, as I had been; that Jesus Christ might have the
pre-eminence who enlightens, and gives grace, and faith, and power.
Thus when God doth work, who shall hinder it? and this I knew
experimentally.
My desire after the Lord grew stronger, and zeal in
the pure knowledge of God, and of Christ alone, without the help of
any man, book, or writing. For though I read the Scriptures that
spoke of Christ and of God, yet I knew Him not, but by revelation,
as He who hath the key did open, and as the Father of Life drew me
to His Son by His Spirit. Then the Lord gently led me along, and
let me see His love, which was endless and eternal, surpassing all
the knowledge that men have in the natural state, or can obtain
from history or books; and that love let me see myself, as I was
without Him.
I was afraid of all company, for I saw them
perfectly where they were, through the love of God, which let me
see myself. I had not fellowship with any people, priests or
professors, or any sort of separated people, but with Christ, who
hath the key, and opened the door of Light and Life unto me. I was
afraid of all carnal talk and talkers, for I could see nothing but
corruptions, and the life lay under the burthen of corruptions.
When I myself was in the deep, shut up under all, I
could not believe that I should ever overcome; my troubles, my
sorrows, and my temptations were so great that I thought many times
I should have despaired, I was so tempted. But when Christ opened
to me how He was tempted by the same devil, and overcame him and
bruised his head, and that through Him and His power, light, grace,
and Spirit, I should overcome also, I had confidence in Him; so He
it was that opened to me when I was shut up and had no hope nor
faith. Christ, who had enlightened me, gave me His light to believe
in; He gave me hope, which He Himself revealed in me, and He gave
me His Spirit and grace, which I found sufficient in the deeps and
in weakness.
Thus, in the deepest miseries, and in the greatest
sorrows and temptations, that many times beset me, the Lord in His
mercy did keep me.
I found that there were two thirsts in me -- the
one after the creatures, to get help and strength there, and the
other after the Lord, the Creator, and His Son Jesus Christ. I saw
all the world could do me no good; if I had had a king's diet,
palace, and attendance, all would have been as nothing; for nothing
gave me comfort but the Lord by His power. At another time I saw
the great love of God, and was filled with admiration at the
infiniteness of it.
One day, when I had been walking solitarily abroad,
and was come home, I was taken up in the love of God, so that I
could not but admire the greatness of His love; and while l was in
that condition, it was opened unto me by the eternal light and
power, and I therein clearly saw that all was done and to be done
in and by Christ, and how He conquers and destroys this tempter the
devil, and all his works, and is atop of him; and that all these
troubles were good for me, and temptations for the trial of my
faith, which Christ had given me.
The Lord opened me, that I saw all through these
troubles and temptations. My living faith was raised, that I saw
all was done by Christ the life, and my belief was in Him.
When at any time my condition was veiled, my secret
belief was stayed firm, and hope underneath held me, as an anchor
in the bottom of the sea, and anchored my immortal soul to its
Bishop, causing it to swim above the sea, the world, where all the
raging waves, foul weather, tempests and temptations are. But O!
then did I see my troubles, trials, and temptations more clearly
than ever I had done. As the light appeared all appeared that is
out of the light; darkness, death, temptations, the unrighteous,
the ungodly; all was manifest and seen in the light.
I heard of a woman in Lancashire that had fasted
two and twenty days, and I travelled to see her; but when I came to
her I saw that she was under a temptation. When I had spoken to her
what I had from the Lord, I left her, her father being one high in
profession.
Passing on, I went among the professors at
Duckingfield and Manchester, where I stayed awhile, and declared
truth among them. There were some convinced who received the Lord's
teaching, by which they were confirmed and stood in the truth. But
the professors were in a rage, all pleading for sin and
imperfection, and could not endure to hear talk of perfection, and
of a holy and sinless life.But the Lord's power was over all,
though they were chained under darkness and sin, which they pleaded
for, and quenched the tender thing in them.
About this time there was a great meeting of the
Baptists, at Broughton, in Leicestershire, with some that had
separated from them, and people of other notions went thither, and
I went also. Not many of the Baptists came, but many others were
there. The Lord opened my mouth, and the everlasting truth was
declared amongst them, and the power of the Lord was over them all.
For in that day the Lord's power began to spring, and I had great
openings in the Scriptures. Several were convinced in those parts
and were turned from darkness to light, from the power of Satan
unto God, and many were raised up to praise God. When I reasoned
with professors and other people, some became convinced.
I went back into Nottinghamshire, and there the
Lord showed me that the natures of those things, which were hurtful
without, were within, in the hearts and minds of wicked men. The
natures of dogs, swine, vipers, of Sodom and Egypt, Pharaoh, Cain,
Ishmael, Esau, etc.; the natures of these I saw within, though
people had been looking without. I cried to the Lord, saying, "Why
should I be thus, seeing I was
never addicted to commit those evils?" and the Lord answered, "That
it was needful I should have a sense of all conditions, how else
should I speak to all conditions!" and in this I saw the infinite
love of God.
I saw, also, that there was an ocean of darkness
and death; but an infinite ocean of light and love, which flowed
over the ocean of darkness. In that also I saw the infinite love of
God, and I had great openings.
Then came people from far and near to see me; but I
was fearful of being drawn out by them; yet I was made to speak,
and open things to them. There was one Brown, who had great
prophecies and sights upon his death-bed of me. He spoke only of
what I should be made instrumental by the Lord to bring forth And
of others he spoke, that they should come to nothing, which was
fulfilled on some, who then were something in show.
When this man was buried a great work of the Lord
fell upon me, to the admiration of many, who thought I had been
dead, and many came to see me for about fourteen days. I was very
much altered in countenance and person, as if my body had been new
moulded or changed. My sorrows and troubles began to
wear off, and tears of joy dropped from me, so that I could have
wept night and day with tears of joy to the Lord, in humility and
brokenness of heart.
I saw into that which was without end, things which
cannot be uttered, and of the greatness and infinitude of the love
of God, which cannot be expressed by words. For I had been brought
through the very ocean of darkness and death, and through and over
the power of Satan, by the eternal, glorious power of Christ; even
through that darkness was I brought, which covered over all the
world, and which chained down all and shut up all in death. The
same eternal power of God, which brought me through these things,
was that which afterwards shook the nations, priests, professors
and people.
Then could I say I had been in spiritual Babylon,
Sodom, Egypt, and the grave; but by the eternal power of God I was
come out of it, and was brought over it, and the power of it, into
the power of Christ. I saw the harvest white, and the seed of God
lying thick in the ground, as ever did wheat that was sown
outwardly, and none to gather it; for this I mourned with
tears.
A report went abroad of me, that I was a young man
that had a discerning spirit; whereupon many came to me, from far
and near, professors, priests, and people. The Lord's power broke
forth, and I had great openings and prophecies, and spoke unto them
of the things of God, which they heard with attention and silence,
and went away and spread the fame thereof.
Then came the tempter and set upon me again,
charging me that I had sinned against the Holy Ghost; but I could
not tell in what. Then Paul's condition came before me, how after
he had been taken up into the third heaven, and seen things not
lawful to be uttered, a messenger of Satan was sent to buffet him.
Thus by the power of Christ I got over that temptation also.
